When He's Gon
by KurapikaISaBOY
Summary: "You look happy together... Let me see what I can do about that" -Fate... Fem!Killu *Chap;2- Gon's POV- "I'm sorry for... leaving you..." killuGON three-shots!
1. When He's Gon

**Note:**

**This is set in AU**

**They do not have the same relationship they have in the canon.**

**They're older here**

**Gon's a soldier**

**Fem!Killua (I think it fitted the role of Kil being the lady here)**

**Fem!Zushi**

**Warning: I'm not very fond of Killua and Gon being together and it just fits the story instead of making an OC, so, I'm warning you that there won't be much "I love you"s**

**FIRST TIME!**

**Disclaimer: Who owns HunterXHunter? Yoshihiro Togashi-sama, who is Yoshihiro Togashi-sama? The creator of HunterXHunter and the one who owns it, it's that simple!**

* * *

**Instrumental…**

It's been 2 years since Gon died… yes, you read right. Gon's dead.

Ah, breaking news? Well, that's not all.

It's had also been 3 years since their marriage.

Who?

Killua

One year to enjoy their lives together. One year to tell each other all the wishes and secrets. One year. One year was all that they got. One year to be happy at the least.

One whole year, an exact 365 and a half days

Before that fateful day

_**I always needed time on my own,**_

Before fate converted to being unpleasant instead of kind

Before the deceptive future instead of being honest

Before that sad smile

Before all of it

_**I never thought I'd need you there when I cry**_

The smile that stayed on his face until the very last word he said

She cried there, in the park by the Cherry tree.

By _their_ Cherry Tree

It was the place where he proposed to her, where she said yes.

_**And the days feel like years when I'm alone,**_

This was also the place where they met. That wonderful day

It was the day when everything started

When fate started to work with the two lovers

When that single petal fell, the petal that revealed Killua to the soldier; Gon

This was the place where her tears fell

The first place where she went to whenever she's sad, miserable and down

_**And the bed where you lied,**_

"Killua…"

"Yes, Gon"

"When I die, I'll miss you"

"Don't say that…. But I know… I will too"

"No matter what happens, you and I will always be together."

"Yeah,"

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise"

_**Is made up on your side**_

"Gon…"

"Why did you even let a despicable person like me live, God? Why not let me die with my careless husband?! Why not let me die instead? I deserve to die!" She lowered her voice, "I took many lives, why not me instead?" She covered her mouth to stop the crying—a pitiful attempt to stop it—at least she tried.

As she cried, the memory of that day came back to her

That day was supposed to be the best day of her life. It was her first birth-day being his wife. It was her first having to have a party—less eat a cake made with love on her own birth day.

But then those people came…

They took Gon away…

Why did they even take him away? Just because his father was a soldier—a general to be exact, no that doesn't quite fit it, he was a respected person, one higher than a general or whatever there is in the soldier things, coming back, just because his father has a high role in the justice things doesn't mean he can force his own son to risk his life just for a stupid war sparked by a stupid argument about lands.

_**When you walk away**_

"Gon… d-don't go! You know I'll get lonely!"

"I'm sorry Killua, but… I have to"

"Gon, you said you'll never leave me"

"Yes, I know that. I'll come back, safe"

"G-Gon…"

"Yes?"

"I love you…" She whispered

"I love you too"

He smiled as he waved a hand for her, a smile a kiss and a friendly hug. To make her remember the things they did when they were still just friends

_**I count the steps that you take**_

Questions like, "When will he come back?" and the, "How's he doing?" really racked her brain, thinking was one of her plus points but this was too much even for her, who likes to think so much.

_**Do you see how much I need you right now?**_

"Men! Charge!" the now General Freecs commanded

"Gon be careful!" Kurapika was here, both of them were, and it kinda soothed—yet made Gon uneasy. He was worried about Kurapika's safety too. Considering that their enemy's the Phantom Troupe

"You too" He smiled at him

One thing forced Killua make the decision of going off to see her husband.

_Fear_ did

The fear of losing him in her life, the fear of coming back to the mansion and the fear of being alone, like always, when she hadn't met him

Heaven is she going to see him,

She's going to the war a beat the hell out of those goons that might take her love away from her grasps. She's stubborn yes, she's being stupid yes, but that's love

_**When you're gone~!**_

"Gon," She whispered, "Gon," A repeated cycle of his name, breathe, and a worried and annoyed groan.

"GON WHERE IN HELL ARE YOU!"

"Killua?" From afar, she heard him call

"Gon!" Happiness

"Killua!" Worry

She once called Gon again and pounced on him, stood up after an excited kiss and faced her husband.

"How did you get here? Never mind that, get out of here Kil! You're life's in danger!"

"I'm powerful Gon. I can go anywhere I want without being harmed. I'm the daughter of the elite, infamous and powerful Zoldyck Sil—"

"Killua, I know that. But you're still in the grounds of an enemy! Your power can't save you right now! That is if you're an assassin, which you aren't! Leorio!" The addressed appeared, revealing his baggy appearance.

They were just in the sidelines, in a hidden place, where Gon led Kil, Leorio and Kurapika.

"Leorio… please, bring Killua to a safe place, Kurapika there's a tunnel leading to the—"

"Shut up Gon! What are you doing?! I want to be with you! What do you think made me go here?!"

"No Killua," He started, "You shut up." Killua was stunned, he never said anything like this to her, ever since they met, "You're endangering not only your life but also Leorio's and Kurapika's. I know both of them are capable of protecting themselves but… you're becoming a hindrance."

He needed to say this to her, if not, then, what'd happen?

"Uh…." It was the starting signal that she was going to cry. "I'm… s-sorry….. but…. Uh… I… I love you Gon… I just do…" Gon cradled her while their two friends only stared, "please don't leave me…" Her voice went to high pitch and her eyes were as red as Kurapika's eyes if not for her stunning ao eyes

"I won't. I promise I won't…"

Staring at the couple in front of them, Kurapika noticed something- a fast bullet was on its way, and it was heading towards the two!

He shouted in an alarmed voice, "KILLUA, GON! BULLET!"

If not for Killua's salty tears, she could've dodged the bullet along with her husband—

"KILLUA!" Gon ran the fastest he could.

And he was glad he arrived…. In time… to save her…

Killua's eyes went wide for the image she saw just now—everything happened so fast—

Like a bullet

* * *

"Gon—Gon—Gon-GON!"

A half-alive Gon landed on top of her.

For the white-haired woman, the time stopped. Earth stopped. The universe stopped. Everything stopped.

Her heart stopped

.

.

.

_**The pieces of my heart are missing you! **_

"Gon, please stay alive…. I'm sorry—I'm so sorry—please forgive me—I won't do it again! Shit death! Please come back to me!

His pulse was slowly fading

"Kil" The sparkle in his eyes were gone, the usual cheeriness in his voice vanished but the warmth in his eyes and voice never left. "I… love… you…" And with those words said, his eyes closed. His body became cold as ice, his face paled, and his smile… his smile disappeared because… because he too was Gone.

_**When you're gone, **_

"Gon! Gon! PLEASE GON! SPEAK UP!"

_**The face I came to know is missing too! **_

"GON COME BACK YOU LIAR! YOU'RE STILL ALIVE! I KNOW IT! HELL, YOU'RE NOT DEAD! AND YOU'LL NEVER BE! I WON'T FREAKIN' LET YOU!"

Kurapika, who witnessed all, was frozen in his spot. Leorio came back after a while because he stated he never can—and never want to see his friend die…

His eyes widened at his close friend's death right in front of his eyes

Earlier he was just telling him to be careful, now he's watching him give the last word to his wife….

After taking in the whole scene, something in his brain clicked- he needs to take Kil away or else his death would be for none.

_**When you're gone**_,

"Killua, get out of here! I know the tunnel Gon was talking about!"

"No! I'll stay here with him!"

"If you stay, Gon's death would be for nothing! He saved you so that you won't die and now you're just wasting your time here? Imagine how Gon felt the pain when that bullet hit him! When he realized he just left you" His voice softened to the part they were almost unheard

"IIE!"

Kurapika had had enough with her stubbornness, so he did this karate thing on her that made her faint due to lack of oxygen

_**All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day... **_

When she woke up, she saw white.

She thought she was dead, but no, she was just in the hospital with Neon, Zushie, Wing, Alluka, Palm and Biskue.

"What happened? Where am I? Where's Gon?!" They looked away in an instant after his series of questions

"Tell me what happened and I'll effing leave! Tell me this is all a joke! Tell me! Please"

"Killua" Zushie said in a deep tone, everyone turned their heads to her direction including Killua, curious as to what she would say next, "Gon died because of your obduracy. If you wouldn't have come there, he would still be here!"

"I… I'm sorry" She bowed

"I'm sorry?" As if it was the worst word ever

"Kill me" They were taken aback, well, except for Zushie

"Kill me?" She repeated, "Do you know that Gon risked his life for YOU?! Because of you he's DEAD! And killing you won't do any good for you, for me, for anybody here and for HIM!"

With that, she left, stomping her way.

"I'm sorry Killua. She was just… up….set…" Wing bowed his head then followed his student

After a few hours, Neon, Alluka, Palm and Biskue left one by one, by Killua's request of wanting to be alone

"_I love you Kil"_

That's what she wanted to hear every single day

_**And make it OK... **_

To make it okay for her…

To make her feel better again

_**I miss you.**_

To say she misses him is an understatement, she longs for him, she never had anyone or anything in mind but the green-raven haired man that stole her heart. Oh the want to commit suicide can't even be describe by the best English-speaker or the wisest and smartest man there is—unfortunately for her, whenever she does plans on doing that, she remembers Zushie's and Kurapika's words.

_He risked his life for her…_

_Risked his life for her_

_His life for her_

_Life for her_

_For her_

_For her…._

"Gon" She cried, "Please come back…"

"I…."

_**I've never felt this way before, **_

Agonies, loneliness, hate, self-pities, accusing, and anger…

She felt like she was back in the Mountain again….

That mansion she escaped

Those feelings she escaped

The people who she left in that mansion

She was free when she did that

But now?

Even if she travels to space, all of the feelings she's feeling right now won't leave her

_**Everything that I do, **_

She tried moving on, forgetting him, and tried to be happy

But all was vain

"Gon, tell me you're just playing with me," a tear, "I swear if you don't…. I will never forgive you" She cooked dinner

She ate food

She went to the cafes that they went together when he was still alive

She visited the park everyday

That park…

_**Reminds me of you.**_

Swear on God's name that… everything here reminds her of him

_**And the clothes you left, **_

She ran to her house, crying, like always, closing the doors, shouting his name, pleading for him to come back to her, opening the door to their room, seeing the clothes of her husband….

_**They lie on the floor**_,

All of it wasn't moved, since that day.

_**And they smell just like you, **_

She bent over touching a certain green vest

The vest she gave him when they met…

…her first gift to him

She smelled it

She continued crying

Oh, that smell, the homey feeling comes back again…

The smell that she always loved

_**I love the things that you do! **_

She missed his little antics

His 'love yous'

His smile

His warm hugs

The way he cuddles her

….

She loves everything that he does

_**When you walk away**_

She remembered the time when he waved her the goodbye…. The last wave….

"Gon, damn it, I'm sorry for not listening….. I'm so sorry… GOD DAMN IT JUST KILL ME ALREADY!"

_**I count the steps that you take**_

"1, 2, 3…. 100…. 100 years eh? That's a long time…" She chuckled, still crying

_**Do you see how much I need you right now?**_

Everyone suffered from the loss of a great friend

But she suffered more

She suffered the loss of not only one person to her, she grieved the loss of a best friend, a boyfriend, a brother, a father and her…. _her_ loving husband

The one and only…. Gon Freecs

*Hiccup*

"LOOK AT WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME! GON ARE YOU HAPPY?! GOD ARE YOU HAPPY? ZUSHIE ARE YOU?! I-I I just can't live like this anymore….. I can't long for a person whose long…. Whose long g-g-" she can't say it, "gone…." But she forced herself to.

"I need you Gon…"

_**When you're gone, **_

When he's gone….

_**The pieces of my heart are missing you! **_

"Take me already…"

_**When you're gone, **_

"Kil… I… love you…."

_**The face I came to know is missing too! **_

His smile….

_**And when you're gone, **_

"Onegai Gon"

_**The words I need to hear to always get me through the day... **_

"Why? Why me?"

"Tell me you're fine, tell me you love me, tell me you're going back-Tell me—Tell me—Tell me!"

_**And make it OK... **_

"And make it okay…"

_**I miss you.**_

"Miss…"

_**We were made for each other, **_

"Match made in heaven? I'm supposed to be in hell for killing my husband!"

_**Out here forever, **_

"I love you"

"Pinky promise"

"I'll come back, safe,"

Forever and ever always together

_**I know we were, **_

"Yeah, we were for each other…"

_**Yeah, Yeah! All I ever wanted was for you to know, **_

For you to know that I'm always there for you

_**Everything I do I give my heart and soul, **_

"I'll trade my soul for you Gon… To be with you"

_**I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me... **_

I promise…

_**Yeah!**_

That I'll…

_**When you're gone, **_

Come to you one day

_**The pieces of my heart are missing you!**_

By dying

_**When you're gone, **_

_The cold floor is where I fell when I shot myself_

_Smiling to myself_

_**The face I came to know is missing too! **_

This was how he died… but with a better reason

_**When you're gone, **_

He saved me, but I wasted his life…. Everything went black….

_**The words I need to hear will always get me through the day... **_

"Killua! Killua!"

I woke up, and thought I was in hell disguised as Heaven but when I looked up, I saw Neon and the others.

"Guys"

"Killua-chan why did you do that?!" The ever-so high pitched 28 year-old Neon asked

"I wanted to die…. I couldn't take it anymore"

"Don't give up, that's what Gon will say" I was surprised to hear Zushie say those words, She smiled at me warmly. I expected her to shout at me and get angry, but, no… She didn't.

_**And make it OK... **_

Months followed after that incident, but I wasn't the same anymore.

I had a purpose in life now

I have my Gawn now

"Momma, is this Gon's grave?"

"Yes honey. Did you know that he…he saved lots of people? That everybody was proud to have him as their general, to even hold his name will have a high place in the community here for his heroic actions…"

_**I miss you!**_

I miss you…

"Gon…. Meet your one and only daughter." I smiled

* * *

So, did you cry? Tell me if you did. Be honest, because I honestly can't tell.

There's actually a lesson here, don't be stubborn and listen to the elders when they say you shouldn't… Or else Hisoka will come and get ya'!

I hope you like this guys this is my first time making a story here for the HunterXHunter fandom—plus making it a KilluXGon one, first time! First time!

I made Zushi's name become "Zushie" so that it will fit the gender well and about Gawn, well, she's adopted cause' I can't really see Killua—even a female one get pregnant… eesh… that's just too overwhelming even for me.

PS. You know the first 'I miss you'? Right? Where she only said, 'I' and then the next 'I miss you' she only said 'miss' and at the ending she said the full 'I miss you'. I'm just telling you about that. It's like a chained word. If you get what I mean

For questions, please ask me by reviewing !

PLEASE REVIEW, FOLLOW, FAVORITE AND READ!


	2. Gon's POV

**Hey guys, I'm really sorry for having mistakes and stuff, plus**

**I'm really sorry for making this even  
**

**though its not necessary at all,**

**but I need to, because Its really humiliating/embarrassing...**

**Have you read Natsu's name there? YEAH? SORRY ABOUT THAT!**

**Its supposed to be 'GON' plus I've unitalicised the lyrics of the song  
**

**Gomene!**

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**BUT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS I GOT THANKS THANKS A LOT :D**

**Here's a little bonus:**

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**Gon's POV**

I never thought I'd leave Kil this way, I've always thought of becoming old together with her- How ironic that I even thought-let alone dreamed of things being that way... my father's a soldier, surely I'd be one too, specially because it's been a tradition for us...

Living is nice...

When that bullet hit me, I knew for sure that was my last clear sight of Kil, the last time I'd hear her call my name and the last time I'd ever see her, hear her, feel her and be her happiness.

It hurts but... having to see her die instead of me hurts more, plus, I'm still by her side- every day.

Why is it that... when you get everything you want, when you're contented, and when you're with _that_ person that you... how do I put this... loose everything?

Just... why is life cru-cruel?

Killua, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry for leaving you but I needed to, to save you.

Goodbye everyone, goodbye Ging- goodbye Killua

**Good bye my love...**

**~END~**

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**Sorry guys for doing this (Hello? Is there anyone here?) I hope you liked the extra stuff :D This is Gon after dying :3 ;_; PLUS very OC right?  
**


	3. Zushie: Jealous

**SO I got bored and stuff, I wanted to make a story but was too lazy an un-inspired, and I didn't really want to make a long chap., so , being the lazy and stupid person I am, I just decided to make this once-a-one-shot a multi-chapped, very short story.**

**I may make some long chapters, but not very.**

**Hope you don't get mad and stuff, **

**I disclaim the stuff I do not own.**

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**Chapter 3**

**Jealous**

**Zushie's POV**

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As if I'm a third wheeling person, I always join the two, Gon and Killua when they were together. Whenever they were training, eating, camping, in school and many more

Why, you ask?

Hm… maybe because I always saw Gon as my light? Like Killua, as she confessed the truth to me about Gon saving her from the shadows of the monsters in her cruel family. I got a bit jealous when I discovered that Gon likes Killua and that she also does to Gon.

I was being neglected whenever we were together, it was like I was only their shadow and that they were in their own small world when they would talk.

Hating everything they do, I left them— but I was unnoticed, little did I know.

I didn't think Gon acknowledged me when we were on our little trips because that I was only too sucked up on my self-pity.

I wasn't informed about that—that is until today, when Killua showed me a video of them—well, it was only Gon- talking to a soulless me. I got guilty, blaming it all on them.

I shouldn't really have done all the things that I have done. Said all those things, said the things to someone who's special to my only love, the one special person in his life—Killua.

Do you know that feeling when... When an unrequited love tastes like a bitter vegetable, hinted by a tinge of sweet jealousy, complemented with a little hatred and a bunch of wishful thinking?

Well, if you're in my position, maybe you will…

Gon, I'm really sorry for blaming you. Killua, I'm sorry for ever hating on you. You know what love can do right?

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**Well that was bad. I hope it isn't as bad as I think though. I'm really un-inspired right now! Thanks again for the reviews! REALLY SORRY BECAUSE I CANNOT PM YOU ALL AND THANK YOU ONE BY ONE!  
**


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